There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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