I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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