I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
