He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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