really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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