But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
