i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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