White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
