never play flip cup with pint glasses
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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