It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
