Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
