..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
