Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
