Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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