you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
