so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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