I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
