It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Less talking, more tequila
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
