My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
MIDGETS
????
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Pants are for mortals
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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