Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
