Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
