Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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