I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
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She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
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Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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