i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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