Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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