Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
