So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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