my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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