to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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