She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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