You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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