I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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