her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
