I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
