What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
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