wanna go halves on a baby?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
