So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
