Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
