I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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