I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
