i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
