he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Randomize
