You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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