I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
