she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Still dying that you shit outside
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
