oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
