I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
