Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize