I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
