last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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