just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I could make wine with my vomit
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
