just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
