Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
