we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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