Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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