CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
