apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
