just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
two words: eviction party
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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