Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
