Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
