Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
are you so shy because you have an std?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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