Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
A bitchslap is in order.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
