Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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