if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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