Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
