i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
