This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
