Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
