I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
