Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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