i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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