My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
