You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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